Tuesday, May 16, 2006

AGH vs. Amazonia MASHUP!

Definitions:

AGH—(also known as, Average Gay Height) The height of most gay men somewhere between 5' 8"-5'9". Anywhere above that height and you are a tall gay man. (below AGH? see: runt party at Nowhere on Wednesday nights.)

Amazon—An unusually tall woman, usually above 5'11" in height.

Last night TrayB and I headed to Irving Plaza to see Goldfrapp. I'd listened to the tracks a little but was actually fairly fresh to the sound and experience. It was an interesting mix of indie gays and trend-specific straights. So it was a sea of AGH individuals except for some clear exceptions. First was the HUGE man who decided that he would leave the fringes of the crowd and go to the center, thus blocking so many of us. I mean, he wasn't just normal tall, he was basketball player, freakish tall. OK, he was behind me and the AGH men and smaller women had to deal.

Then, during the show (Goldfrapp is an interesting blend of Kylie and Blondie with parts Bjork and electroclash. So yes, you get 80s edgy effects with high-concept stuff such as two female dancers dressed like werewolves to a dance-trak, bass-heavy beat) a big ole Amazon placed herself directly in front of me. I tried to knock into her enough to get her to move her ass but instead she lifted her arms and swayed/danced to the beat so that I was left looking at her armpits. She was that tall.

Other folks tried to also smash their way in but at least they were shorter than AGH. Still Amazon continually butted herself into me. I took to sticking out my tongue to see if I accidentally licked her arm or something that she'd freak and move. Luckily there was no flesh tasting and she somehow moved aside to disrupt the view of other AGH folk.

I'm not hating on tall people. But perhaps segregation of some sort would be a good thing. At least when we're all left standing.

4 Comments:

At 7:34 AM, Blogger Dee said...

Oh, shit.

You saw Goldfrapp!?

*gnashing-of-teeth*

 
At 12:19 PM, Blogger Guillem said...

I licked this HUGE guy's triceps in a U2 concert when I was 18. Why, I don't know. It seemed a fairly good idea back then. He didn't notice. If he had noticed, I guess I wouldn't be alive this moment.

 
At 3:58 AM, Blogger TRAYB said...

You can always tell if you're at a straight concert by the number of fights that break out (as one nearly did a few feet away from us at the start of the show). The gays don't tend to fight, they just throw attitude. Which is definitely what we doing toward the Amazon chick, and those two unattractive lesbians who came and stood on my feet.

 
At 1:54 PM, Blogger Dee said...

I've always wanted to bear witness to a fight in a gay bar.

 

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